Togetherness

There was a time when hubbie would go on his golf weekends with the boys (or bowling, etc) and I would look forward to having ME time. You know, hanging with the kids, no cooking, catching up with girlfriends. But I have noticed that in this new era I seem to be at a loss when he is gone. Something is missing, and I don't mean just his adorable snoring, and I find myself being almost overcome with melancholy. Perhaps the difference is in my youth I had no sense of mortality and saw unlimited time together. Now I get a little glimpse of what life would be like without him and it fills me with dread. 

 Yes, I have wonderful friends and family who offer to spend time with me and bonding with my son is a welcome bonus. But the truth is, my life is dependent on that goofy guy who is thoroughly enjoying his second childhood and has never had a happier time. I know I should follow his lead and become involved with the new world now available to us. But with the children grown and most of my friends still working I find myself with many hours with nothing to fill them.

So....enough of this pity party. I need to follow my own favorite philosophy - "in the midst of my darkness I found the sun within myself".  Note it says 'my' darkness.  I believe we are each responsible for our own happiness and to put that on someone else is not only unfair but impossible.  I will become involved in the pursuit of fulfillment and satisfaction.  Perhaps by looking to help others instead of wallowing in self pity I will make my life more meaningful.  Here goes.....