Re-Living

This morning I watched an interview of some of the members of the Wounded Warriors Band.  Watched as a young man who has lost both legs and his right arm describe himself as more whole than ever before.  Singing Halleleujah, he described the feeling as his life and dreams crumbled around him and yet he has found new purpose and joy.

And so I remembered my musings on losing my dream life.  Mourning what I have lost.  Grieving over what I had and have no more.  Basically giving up on life and the overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

What timing that this segment should be on television at the exact moment my husband and I were watching.  Because I had not just written my thoughts but had shared them with him.  Probably not what his therapist would list as a supportive gesture.

Because what happened to me watching those brave young men who have lost so much and yet find joy is that I realized that perhaps the life I lost was not the one I was meant to have.  Perhaps the answer is that this is the new dream.  The new path I have been directed to.  How can I question what I have suffered when I still have so much.

I still have my husband and my son.  And if they have changed, perhaps that is what life should be.  Constant change, growth, redirecting.  Appreciating what is here and finding a new dream.  Having faith and trusting is difficult for me.  So perhaps this is learning to trust.

I do have hope.  But not that I will get back what I have lost.  Instead, I will hope that I will find joy once again with what I have now.

Halleleujah!